Guess Who's Back?

Okay so that post title probably isn't so funny to you unless you read Jon Acuff's blog... he did a post during lent about all the people 'fasting' from technology and the big dramatic entrance they make upon reentry into the blog world. I don't do lent and didn't plan a blog fast but it kind of ended up that way. I closed my blog in February (upon posting this it still isn't open so you* can't even read this**). I had several people ask me why and I always had a different answer. Which was telling that it was definitely time for a blog break if I could come up with that many reasons to step away from it.

*I'm not sure who "you" is...  I'm also not sure if a tree really fell if no one heard it.

**But if you are reading this, did you hack into my account? And if you did. Get off it please. Thanks....

Okay. Moving on..

Biggest reason: The boy. I didn't (and still don't) know what is fair for me to share about him. If he reads my blog when he's older, is he going to be glad to see a record of a his life and love letters from his mama or upset I used him as content? Will he think a story about what he acted like as a baby (child?) funny or be embarrassed that I shared it with the world? Who knows? I sure don't!
I also wonder a tiny bit about the safety of it. Leading up to my blog break, I had several people I didn't know see me around town and tell me they read my blog. It was mostly parents of kids my husband or I worked with. While those people aren't a threat, it got me to thinking about the thousand other people on here that I don't know.

Reason #2: Time.
Okay this isn't really that big of a deal. I wasn't (ever) spending tons of time blogging. It wasn't a giant time suck for me. Especially once I added blogger to my phone and could throw up a blogpost in 2 minutes while waiting in the Drs office or whatever. So it wasn't that it was sucking a lot of time, it's just that I wanted to be more mindful of being a better steward of ALL of my time. Like those seconds should have more purpose to them. Or something.

Okay and I was insecure about the time people thought I was 'wasting' blogging. I've heard people say "How does she have time to blog?!?" about other bloggers and really didn't want them to say that about me. Which brings me to

Reason #3: Insecurity.
Oh yeah. That's a big one. I didn't realize it at first. It's one that snuck up on me and completely surprised me. But it's true- I'm totally insecure about my momness.  I don't feel too different from other moms- just doing what works best for me and my family. But I feel like I should be doing better. I feel like I've had all the classes and read all the books and worked with so many kids that I should just be better. Is it crazy? Yes. Does it make sense? No. Just another thing about this new role that I can't explain I guess. It becomes an issue when I'm failing at being super mom and there's witnesses. Or- when I'm feeling really good about what I'm doing as a mom but people still judge. ("Oh you're STILL breastfeeding? He's gonna have teeth and be biting you soon. Don't you think he'd be more satisfied with formula? You really need to be starting him on solids. OH you finally started him on solids? You should have done that months ago. You started with apples? Aren't you supposed to do veggies before fruit? Why didn't you start with cereal? What kind of sleep training are you doing? You're NOT sleep training?? Well!"- I'd go on but I think you get the point.)

Enough already with the judging. Why do we feel so compelled to judge new moms? Especially other moms. I find it fascinating and did a little independent research on the subject. I found all kinds of studies supporting a theory that says we feel like it's our responsibility to help make sure the next generation survives. The whole 'it takes a village' mentality I guess. I agree- it does take a village. And B has a whole lot of people to love and nurture him along. I love that he has a village loving on him. I just wish they'd keep their opinions to themselves.


Those are the top three reasons. I've shared other excuses with those that have asked and could probably add about 10 to the list here but these are the main biggies as to why I stepped away.

Today I 'stepped back.' The top two reasons- was out to lunch with another new mom today. We discussed the importance of 'me' time. I realized I didn't know how to take or spend 'me' time anymore and realized I used to get 'me' time through blogging. And secondly- my husband told me to start blogging again. But that may be a post for another day....

Short story long. I'm back. Maybe.