Guess Who's Back?

Okay so that post title probably isn't so funny to you unless you read Jon Acuff's blog... he did a post during lent about all the people 'fasting' from technology and the big dramatic entrance they make upon reentry into the blog world. I don't do lent and didn't plan a blog fast but it kind of ended up that way. I closed my blog in February (upon posting this it still isn't open so you* can't even read this**). I had several people ask me why and I always had a different answer. Which was telling that it was definitely time for a blog break if I could come up with that many reasons to step away from it.

*I'm not sure who "you" is...  I'm also not sure if a tree really fell if no one heard it.

**But if you are reading this, did you hack into my account? And if you did. Get off it please. Thanks....

Okay. Moving on..

Biggest reason: The boy. I didn't (and still don't) know what is fair for me to share about him. If he reads my blog when he's older, is he going to be glad to see a record of a his life and love letters from his mama or upset I used him as content? Will he think a story about what he acted like as a baby (child?) funny or be embarrassed that I shared it with the world? Who knows? I sure don't!
I also wonder a tiny bit about the safety of it. Leading up to my blog break, I had several people I didn't know see me around town and tell me they read my blog. It was mostly parents of kids my husband or I worked with. While those people aren't a threat, it got me to thinking about the thousand other people on here that I don't know.

Reason #2: Time.
Okay this isn't really that big of a deal. I wasn't (ever) spending tons of time blogging. It wasn't a giant time suck for me. Especially once I added blogger to my phone and could throw up a blogpost in 2 minutes while waiting in the Drs office or whatever. So it wasn't that it was sucking a lot of time, it's just that I wanted to be more mindful of being a better steward of ALL of my time. Like those seconds should have more purpose to them. Or something.

Okay and I was insecure about the time people thought I was 'wasting' blogging. I've heard people say "How does she have time to blog?!?" about other bloggers and really didn't want them to say that about me. Which brings me to

Reason #3: Insecurity.
Oh yeah. That's a big one. I didn't realize it at first. It's one that snuck up on me and completely surprised me. But it's true- I'm totally insecure about my momness.  I don't feel too different from other moms- just doing what works best for me and my family. But I feel like I should be doing better. I feel like I've had all the classes and read all the books and worked with so many kids that I should just be better. Is it crazy? Yes. Does it make sense? No. Just another thing about this new role that I can't explain I guess. It becomes an issue when I'm failing at being super mom and there's witnesses. Or- when I'm feeling really good about what I'm doing as a mom but people still judge. ("Oh you're STILL breastfeeding? He's gonna have teeth and be biting you soon. Don't you think he'd be more satisfied with formula? You really need to be starting him on solids. OH you finally started him on solids? You should have done that months ago. You started with apples? Aren't you supposed to do veggies before fruit? Why didn't you start with cereal? What kind of sleep training are you doing? You're NOT sleep training?? Well!"- I'd go on but I think you get the point.)

Enough already with the judging. Why do we feel so compelled to judge new moms? Especially other moms. I find it fascinating and did a little independent research on the subject. I found all kinds of studies supporting a theory that says we feel like it's our responsibility to help make sure the next generation survives. The whole 'it takes a village' mentality I guess. I agree- it does take a village. And B has a whole lot of people to love and nurture him along. I love that he has a village loving on him. I just wish they'd keep their opinions to themselves.


Those are the top three reasons. I've shared other excuses with those that have asked and could probably add about 10 to the list here but these are the main biggies as to why I stepped away.

Today I 'stepped back.' The top two reasons- was out to lunch with another new mom today. We discussed the importance of 'me' time. I realized I didn't know how to take or spend 'me' time anymore and realized I used to get 'me' time through blogging. And secondly- my husband told me to start blogging again. But that may be a post for another day....

Short story long. I'm back. Maybe.

My Hopes for 2011.

As I type this, it's still 2010. Christmas is just around the corner and we are getting ready to welcome in 2011. While career and health wise, 2010 (and 09, and....) was a challenging year, the year did bring high hopes for a bright future.

To choose one quote to sum up my feelings on 2010 it would be:

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." -Einstein

Choosing one word for 2010: opportunity.

With multiple challenges at work, God placed an amazing opportunity in my lap (literally- in the form of a new camera near the end of 2009). I started the year with a new hobby and it morphed into a part-time, then full-time (when I could find the the time) job.

I discovered that I loved it. And that, with some adjustments, I could possibly make it a career.

We were (still) struggling with infertility. (As I type this, we still are- please don't correct my tense use English teachers- I have high hopes that God will change this from 'are' to 'were' by the time this posts.

We think about adoption. We talk about adoption. We've yet to act upon adoption.

It is in our hearts and we do hope to adopt someday but at this point I'm longing for a newborn in our arms.

Photographing newborns is such a treasure to me. I meet these tiny, precious, miracles just a few days old and I just fall in love. I'm completely in awe of them. I take the job of capturing their brand newness seriously. I'm truly blessed to get the chance to take on this job. I am humbled and honored that parents would choose me to capture these memories and that God would use me to record this moment in their lives.

I think about adoption and how, in some cases, parents may not get to meet their little one as a newborn (and sometimes not until much later). My heart aches for them but I love that this job helps me to preserve that special newborn time.

I had a dream last night. Rusty and I were cuddling on our very own newborn. We were so happy. I believe God. I believe that He has a big plan for us. I pray, oh I pray, that His plan for us involves blessings in the form of babies. To be honest, I had lost hope that it did until I woke up from my dream last night. It was the happiest I had been in such a long time. Even as I awoke, I wasn't sad that it was only a dream- I was happy that it was God's way of telling me whats yet to come. I trust in Him. I have high hopes for this year.

As I think about opportunity in the middle of difficulty, I have to wonder if His plan for me might involve using my pain from longing for a newborn and applying it to photography. I would love, love, love to start photographing more newborns and maybe He's given me the love I need for them by making it so much more meaningful to me.

I pray that when this posts (long after I've forgotten about it and right when I will be surprised to see it) that I'm on a new career path, that I'm holding a baby in my arms, and that R and I love each other more than ever. I pray that we will be praising God for all the blessings in 2011 and thanking Him for carrying out His will in our lives.

I know I'm thankful for His will in my life in 2010. I don't fully understand it yet, but I feel so blessed.

TTMT - the RAK edition

It's the RAK edition of TTMT. Your job was to do a random act of kindness and come back to report about it. Secret Agent L is a resource for you.

My RAK:

Next week's TTMT: Show us what's in your purse. Dig it out and take a picture. The catch- you have to do it right now, no taking anything out or adding to it.

Talk To Me.... YOUR Turn!

TTMT:

Readers choice. Comment, inbox me, facebook me- leave me ideas for some 2011 Talk To Me Tuesdays. :)

Okay- This one is updated because some of you emailed me great ideas and I must have deleted them or something because I can't find them now! Sorry. :( Leave them in the comments here (PLEASE!). :)

And I guess that gets me out of participating in this week's (actually I'm auto publishing this on Thursday so I don't miss the date again....). :) But PLEASE play this week. And get started on next week's if you haven't yet. It should be fun!! And since I'm auto-publishing and changing the date- can I point out that I love when the date is so easy to write... we get to do that three times this year.

Next weeks:

This one is a do rather than an answer.... Go out and do a random act of kindness. Post the idea on your page. (For ideas see Secret Agent L's blog... you may recognize one on there from my friend Secret Agent (other) L)

best of

We have been talking about the blessings jar around here forever for awhile forever. We talked about changing the November calendar to the every month calendar. We took a photo a day of all the good things. We like remembering the good times and praising Him for them. So this idea is (almost) perfect for us. Modified a bit to showcase the top ten of each month, here is our method for tracking the best of 2011:

While not 365, there's still a lot of spaces to fill in. That's a lot of good times ahead, friends. Happy counting your blessings all year round!

Happy Birthday!!

It's my friend Lisa's birthday- she's 28 (or so) today. ;)

She's a fabulous lady with a huge heart that would do anything for anyone. When I think back to some of the times that I needed someone the most over the last few years- Lisa's been there.

Happy Birthday, Lisa!!! Love ya! :)

TTMT (yes I know it's Thursday again!)

I've had a few people checking in on me as I skipped TTMT (again). Rest assured, the Hicks family is doing okay! We are just trying to get back into the swing of being back at work but still having appointments, basketball, photo sessions, and all the other things going on.

Here is another Thursday version of TTMT:

This week's:
What's a verse that you are leaning on right now? (Could be your all time favorite but doesn't have to be.)

Right now the verse I think about the most is Isaiah 40:31. It's a favorite of a lot of people (but ironically not one of mine). I actually have had it stuck in my head because I had made a necklace that said it for one of my best friends. It had been sitting on the counter waiting to be wrapped for awhile so I just tried it on one day before work and wouldn't you know- it fit. I ended up liking it a lot and made my friend another version of the necklace so I could keep this one myself wouldn't have to give her a used necklace. :) I've been reminded of this verse daily as I wear it bound on my neck and continually try to rest in Him.

One of my real favorite verses:

Hebrews 11:1- "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and sure of what we cannot see."

Though I have a lot of favorites, I don't have a lot of time right now so maybe I'll update this later.. and start taking my own advice on auto publishing TTMs so we can all play along a little better! :)

Next week's:

Readers choice. Comment, inbox me, facebook me- leave me ideas for some 2011 Talk To Me Tuesdays. :)

Okay- That one is updated because some of you emailed me great ideas and I must have deleted them or something because I can't find them now! Sorry. :( Leave them in the comments here (PLEASE!). :)

The next, next weeks:

This one is a do rather than an answer.... Go out and do a random act of kindness. Post the idea on your page. (For ideas see Secret Agent L's blog... you may recognize one on there from my friend Secret Agent (other) L)

Okay: So what's your favorite verse (or one you are currently leaning on)? Comment with your link to it here. And thanks for your patience as the Tuesdays roll into Wedn.... Thursdays. Love y'all!

Updated: If you don't blog, YES you can still play. Leave your answer in the comments.